Gender Issues ~ Boys with painted nails

This is somewhat of a rant, so if you don't want to hear a rant you can close this down now :) I just have been debating this class in my mind, and with a few other students, and I felt the need to get it down and put it out there. This seemed like a good place to do that.

I just took my last class to get my bachelors degree. It was called "gender:anger and empowerment". My degree was in sociology but my emphasis was in gender studies, so I assumed that this class would be similar to the others. Primarily the basis that gender is socially constructed, and that there aren't innate differences between males and females. I assumed that the teacher would be similar to my other teachers, very open, empowering and supportive of all genders/people/lifestyles etc.

Boy was I wrong. The whole class centered around "women do this _____" and "men do this ______". I was a bit surprised but I chose to not openly debate her, because I do think its good to remember how the bulk of americans think, and to remember the concepts that are so woven into the tapestry of our culture, that we no longer critically think about them.

At one point, though, the conversation shifted. She began to talk about single parents, and how hard of a job that it is. Now, personally I love being a single mother, and I think I have much more flexibility and freedom then most of my friends have, because I am able to choose to parent my children however I wish, to take them away for vacation or stay up late at night or whatever. . . . Its really up to me. Anyway. . . she then began talking about how women could NOT raise a son into adulthood, it simply doesn't work. Ever.

Excuse me?

I know many single mothers, many men who were raised by single mothers, many lesbian couples raising sons. How dare she say flat out that we can't do this by ourselves? At that point I became involved and asked how she could say that women can't raise a son without a man. Her answer was very simple. Boys need a man to learn how to be a man. If they aren't provided one by thier mother, then they will find one for themselves. Her example? Look at boys and gangs.

I feel offended and angry by this! I did argue the point, but she used an example within the class. She asked two men (large football players) what they would do if thier 13 year old son came home with painted nails. They both said they would ask why and tell him to take it off. She then asked them what they would do if thier sons wanted to go to the mall with painted nails to buy a skateboard. Thier answer was predictable... "Hell no" Her answer was that these men were teaching thier sons to be men, and to protect them from other men, because men are who hurt people.

I'm disgusted. Nowhere in this class on gender was there discussion of acceptance, of embracing all gendered emotions and issues. The class was taught on an assumption of heterosexuality (which many in the class were gay/lesbian). And. . . was very bitter against single parents.

I guess what I can be happy for, is that I don't ever have to set foot in her classroom again. I am moving on for my MSW, going to a different school. Nonetheless, its teaching like this that reinforces the gender binary. I wish it could be different for future students and we could teach from a place of inclusion.