She didn't come for the birthday party.
She always does this, she can't make it to whatever it is we are doing or have made plans for. I would think this was just part of who she is except one little exception. . .
She makes plans and keeps them with everybody else. Friday night she was with friends playing some kinda video game and drinking beer. . . .
Last weekend she drove 3 hours away to go shopping with a friend and then went rafting the next day
Weekend before she went to Vegas with a friend
Weekend before was rafting and having a bbq.
OHHH and I found out in passing yesterday that even though we have been "seeing" eachother since April. . . . none of her coworkers know. . . in fact, very few of her friends know.
Guess I got my answer eh?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
update on gender classes. . .
After I wrote the last post, I had to really think about the class, the frustration I felt and the way that the information was presented. I decided to write a letter to the teacher who does most of the gender classes, if for no other reason, then to get it off of my chest. I was answered very quickly with more questions. Apparently I was confused, I thought this was a psychology class, but instead it was a Women's Studies class. OH! That made it that much worse. The good part of the issue is they are looking into replacing the instructor or working to ensure it is taught from a feminist perspective, the bad part is, I hate being the rabble rouser, the one to stir the pot or cause problems. I am glad that the department is taking it seriously though. . .
I realized today that I started this blog to talk about my coming out process, or, my saga. . . . depending on how you really look at it (can you truly come out for 12 years? lol) and the past few posts had nothing to do with the process. I guess its because not much is happening there, unfortunately!
I wrote below about the woman I have been seeing, but it feels like this relationship gets stalled at every turn. We made plans to go somewhere almost every weekend, yet every weekend there is some reason that she can't make it. I find my own level of frustration growing, as we have been seeing eachother now for over three months. . . . .yet there has been nothing physical between us yet. Nothing. . . . except a hug before she left for a weekend in Vegas. That was in the airport and the most platonic hug there could be.
I am so confused. . . I have told her that we can just be friends, but she claims to want more. I have went out many times without her, in groups of other women. She doesn't like it, yet she doesn't go herself. It is the most confusing situation! Is it excuses or is it truly situations that she encounters?
On the other hand, I find myself with a small sense of relief. As much as I want to move forward with this relationship, there is the other sense of being glad that I don't have to navigate around this relationship and the ramifications. I talk about her enough that my family now knows that I am seeing a woman, the kids know, they have her on "myspace". . . . go figure. . . .
Sunday, she meets my mother for the first time. THAT should be interesting!?! If anybody out there is the praying type, they should be praying on Sunday :) My daughter is having her birthday at a local Pizza place, and the whole family will be there. I told her yesterday that "K" was coming. Mom got very. . . very . . . quiet. Silent.
I said "mom, I think its a good time to meet her, thats ok right?" My mom didn't say much, finally she looked at me and said "Well, I guess I don't have a choice do I?"
Sunday isn't looking fun . . .
I realized today that I started this blog to talk about my coming out process, or, my saga. . . . depending on how you really look at it (can you truly come out for 12 years? lol) and the past few posts had nothing to do with the process. I guess its because not much is happening there, unfortunately!
I wrote below about the woman I have been seeing, but it feels like this relationship gets stalled at every turn. We made plans to go somewhere almost every weekend, yet every weekend there is some reason that she can't make it. I find my own level of frustration growing, as we have been seeing eachother now for over three months. . . . .yet there has been nothing physical between us yet. Nothing. . . . except a hug before she left for a weekend in Vegas. That was in the airport and the most platonic hug there could be.
I am so confused. . . I have told her that we can just be friends, but she claims to want more. I have went out many times without her, in groups of other women. She doesn't like it, yet she doesn't go herself. It is the most confusing situation! Is it excuses or is it truly situations that she encounters?
On the other hand, I find myself with a small sense of relief. As much as I want to move forward with this relationship, there is the other sense of being glad that I don't have to navigate around this relationship and the ramifications. I talk about her enough that my family now knows that I am seeing a woman, the kids know, they have her on "myspace". . . . go figure. . . .
Sunday, she meets my mother for the first time. THAT should be interesting!?! If anybody out there is the praying type, they should be praying on Sunday :) My daughter is having her birthday at a local Pizza place, and the whole family will be there. I told her yesterday that "K" was coming. Mom got very. . . very . . . quiet. Silent.
I said "mom, I think its a good time to meet her, thats ok right?" My mom didn't say much, finally she looked at me and said "Well, I guess I don't have a choice do I?"
Sunday isn't looking fun . . .
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Gender Issues ~ Boys with painted nails
This is somewhat of a rant, so if you don't want to hear a rant you can close this down now :) I just have been debating this class in my mind, and with a few other students, and I felt the need to get it down and put it out there. This seemed like a good place to do that.
I just took my last class to get my bachelors degree. It was called "gender:anger and empowerment". My degree was in sociology but my emphasis was in gender studies, so I assumed that this class would be similar to the others. Primarily the basis that gender is socially constructed, and that there aren't innate differences between males and females. I assumed that the teacher would be similar to my other teachers, very open, empowering and supportive of all genders/people/lifestyles etc.
Boy was I wrong. The whole class centered around "women do this _____" and "men do this ______". I was a bit surprised but I chose to not openly debate her, because I do think its good to remember how the bulk of americans think, and to remember the concepts that are so woven into the tapestry of our culture, that we no longer critically think about them.
At one point, though, the conversation shifted. She began to talk about single parents, and how hard of a job that it is. Now, personally I love being a single mother, and I think I have much more flexibility and freedom then most of my friends have, because I am able to choose to parent my children however I wish, to take them away for vacation or stay up late at night or whatever. . . . Its really up to me. Anyway. . . she then began talking about how women could NOT raise a son into adulthood, it simply doesn't work. Ever.
Excuse me?
I know many single mothers, many men who were raised by single mothers, many lesbian couples raising sons. How dare she say flat out that we can't do this by ourselves? At that point I became involved and asked how she could say that women can't raise a son without a man. Her answer was very simple. Boys need a man to learn how to be a man. If they aren't provided one by thier mother, then they will find one for themselves. Her example? Look at boys and gangs.
I feel offended and angry by this! I did argue the point, but she used an example within the class. She asked two men (large football players) what they would do if thier 13 year old son came home with painted nails. They both said they would ask why and tell him to take it off. She then asked them what they would do if thier sons wanted to go to the mall with painted nails to buy a skateboard. Thier answer was predictable... "Hell no" Her answer was that these men were teaching thier sons to be men, and to protect them from other men, because men are who hurt people.
I'm disgusted. Nowhere in this class on gender was there discussion of acceptance, of embracing all gendered emotions and issues. The class was taught on an assumption of heterosexuality (which many in the class were gay/lesbian). And. . . was very bitter against single parents.
I guess what I can be happy for, is that I don't ever have to set foot in her classroom again. I am moving on for my MSW, going to a different school. Nonetheless, its teaching like this that reinforces the gender binary. I wish it could be different for future students and we could teach from a place of inclusion.
I just took my last class to get my bachelors degree. It was called "gender:anger and empowerment". My degree was in sociology but my emphasis was in gender studies, so I assumed that this class would be similar to the others. Primarily the basis that gender is socially constructed, and that there aren't innate differences between males and females. I assumed that the teacher would be similar to my other teachers, very open, empowering and supportive of all genders/people/lifestyles etc.
Boy was I wrong. The whole class centered around "women do this _____" and "men do this ______". I was a bit surprised but I chose to not openly debate her, because I do think its good to remember how the bulk of americans think, and to remember the concepts that are so woven into the tapestry of our culture, that we no longer critically think about them.
At one point, though, the conversation shifted. She began to talk about single parents, and how hard of a job that it is. Now, personally I love being a single mother, and I think I have much more flexibility and freedom then most of my friends have, because I am able to choose to parent my children however I wish, to take them away for vacation or stay up late at night or whatever. . . . Its really up to me. Anyway. . . she then began talking about how women could NOT raise a son into adulthood, it simply doesn't work. Ever.
Excuse me?
I know many single mothers, many men who were raised by single mothers, many lesbian couples raising sons. How dare she say flat out that we can't do this by ourselves? At that point I became involved and asked how she could say that women can't raise a son without a man. Her answer was very simple. Boys need a man to learn how to be a man. If they aren't provided one by thier mother, then they will find one for themselves. Her example? Look at boys and gangs.
I feel offended and angry by this! I did argue the point, but she used an example within the class. She asked two men (large football players) what they would do if thier 13 year old son came home with painted nails. They both said they would ask why and tell him to take it off. She then asked them what they would do if thier sons wanted to go to the mall with painted nails to buy a skateboard. Thier answer was predictable... "Hell no" Her answer was that these men were teaching thier sons to be men, and to protect them from other men, because men are who hurt people.
I'm disgusted. Nowhere in this class on gender was there discussion of acceptance, of embracing all gendered emotions and issues. The class was taught on an assumption of heterosexuality (which many in the class were gay/lesbian). And. . . was very bitter against single parents.
I guess what I can be happy for, is that I don't ever have to set foot in her classroom again. I am moving on for my MSW, going to a different school. Nonetheless, its teaching like this that reinforces the gender binary. I wish it could be different for future students and we could teach from a place of inclusion.
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